[Oxford63] Further to the complaints...maybe the last??

Thu Jul 10 12:31:06 MDT 2003

Since I was the perp here I guess I should check in with my thoughts (and I'm sure my dear nameless friend out there will call me Miss Chatty again...!).  Betsy, you must not for one minute feel guilty.  What you and others wrote to Debbie was entirely appropriate.  When I offered (and because I deleted it I'm trying desperately to remember exactly how I phrased it) that it might be better if sympathy notes were sent directly to the recipient rather than to the class at large, I was in all good faith trying to avoid a situation similar to that which occurred just after the creation of the "cybercommunity".  As Rena had to inform us back then, a number of classmates became extremely annoyed when our initial flurry of communications evolved into a state where some of us (yours truly included) had a few email "conversations" back and forth almost daily, sometimes involving only a few words, which were without a doubt of NO VALUE to the rest of the class.  Be assured I'm in no way saying the sympathy notes remotely resembled this.  But I recall my conversation with a disgruntled person who was sick and tired of the idle chit-chat and wanted to be removed from the list, probably very similar to conversations Rena had with others regarding the same issue, which indicated to me I needed to be more judicious with how much and what I sent out to you all (I'm still having withdrawal!).  With this new and really wonderful tool Jane created to keep the group informed regarding important events in each others' lives, sorrows, joys, and just basically keeping in touch, some would prefer for any number of reasons that a line be drawn somewhere that would put boundaries on what's to be included and obviously this can't be done.  When I wrote in regard to the sympathy notes I was being protective of those we offended before and in doing so I offended those on the other side of the issue.  As many have said, it is easy to hit the delete key, and certainly one's right to submit anything one wants to this "forum" is inalienable.  The Oxford '63 cybercommunity was outrageously successful for uniting us for the reunion and for the endowment fundraising project and it will be successful for keeping us all in touch in the future with sensible and sensitive use.  I'm sorry if I came across as the Internet police!

Thanks for listening (again).

Anne       
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Betsy Cadbury 
  To: Oxford Class of 63 
  Sent: Wednesday, July 09, 2003 11:15 PM
  Subject: [Oxford63] Further to the complaints

  Hi, Everyone...

  Since I am one of the "guilty" parties who have apparently prompted some questioning of what is appropriate email content for class consumption (!), perhaps you won't mind if I explain my motives.

  You may remember back to Claudia's wonderful and most extraordinary letter to all of us last June 1st, right on the heels of our reunion.  She expressed so beautifully some of the elation I felt after seeing so many talented, warm and intelligent women, most of whom I had not seen since 9th grade.  Who could not have been impressed by Leslie Murtha's killer smile; by Holly's fabulous website with her teaching methods; by Joan and Susie's creative ideas and willingness to spend time organizing the buffet; by Judy's ability to adjust to my defective old guitar and learn a song at the last minute; by Sue Powell, who has stepped in so efficiently to keep us together; by Courtney, who has done it all so well for so many years; by lovely and gracious Katie, who even brought along party favors from Tom (!); by Jane's amazing cyber-magic; by Lelly's  great photos; by Tina's energy and enterprise; by Martha's sense of humor; by Debbie Wood and ! Buena, who have hardly changed at all; by Barbara and Franny and Anne, who have changed so much I didn't recognize them without nametags; by Claudia's quiet and bemused observation of absolutely everything that went on; by Judy Anderson's marvelous naivete in not understanding why people find her a natural leader; by Rena's incredible feat of goading us all into 100% participation, and then coolly standing up there and making a speech handing all the credit back to us!  And I could go on and on...  The weekend was a true "happening", all the more cherished because it was so unexpected.  And I did feel much closer to everyone afterwards, even to women whom I had not known particularly well when we were schoolgirls.  I felt only regret that I had not known more of you better - and that I had had 3 years fewer of "togetherness"!

  All this by way of explaining why, after much consideration, I wrote an open letter to Debbie.  In her letter to the class, she reached out to all of us in the wake of a tragic event in her life, mentioning specifically that since the reunion, she had felt close enough to everyone to want to share her hurt, and her pride in Jasmin, with all of us.  Since I had felt that same way about the reunion, I thought that I could also share my immediate and spontaneous reaction to her news with the group.  

  If I have embarrassed or offended anyone, I am sorry.  I do agree that we should keep our "chit-chat" to a minimum, but it seems to me that "life events" are what our website was created for.  And any who do not wish to be bothered by more personal emails can, as Jill pointed out, simply delete without opening them.

  I hope this clarifies my thinking on the matter.  I'll sit down and shut up now!  And I'm counting to ten before I hit the "send" button.  One, two, three, four... oh, what the hell!  Have a great summer, and stay in touch!  Love, Betsy

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